Tech from Site 76

Yes, Compaq presarios and printers suck, we know, we have to support them. We're site 76.
The purpose of this story is to try and shed some light on what our end of things looks like, what to expect, and what you can do BESIDES spending god knows what on toll charges to us.

I found it curious that no has posted anything about site 76 here. Site 76 an outsourced company called Convergys in Houston, Texas. Convergys is a sort of giant megazord of merged tech support companies, and we take most presario and almost all printer calls. The company isn't that bad, it's just doesn't pay enough and the turn over for techs is about six months. Every couple months or so they decide to "ramp up" and do a cattle call for fresh meat. They give about three weeks of training (which is apparently an improvement over previous policy) then let the techs loose on the floor.

Of course, the mutually contradictary goals of first call resolution and an average handle time of under fifteen minuites still applies to site 76 as it does to all other centers, but after working there for about four months I've come to realize that they're not THAT uptight about it.
Most of the techs I've talked to really do want to help, but are frustrated by the fact that they're supporting crappy machines with insuffucient tools. The customer database, CAMEO, is frequently down, as are the online databases that we rely on for most of our data about specific models and problems. There's also a knowledge base system, KBS, which is utterly worthless and everyone knows it. Anyway, there are a few things to know if you have to call the 281 area code support number (our site specifically) or are calling on a printer issue. I hope this :

Presarios:
We have about four tools that we use to fix Presarios:
-Reboot system into safe mode and remove offending devices from device manager(Hold-left-shift-while-rebooting to get into safe mode, right-click on My Computer; go to properties and Device manager) then rebooting the system so windows can auto-detect the hardware and re-install the drivers;

-Freeing up system resources (RECCOMENDED FOR ANY NEW PRESARIO!!!): Start->Run-> type "msconfig" ->OK ->Change to Selective Startup, uncheck process Autoexec.bat and Config.sys files, go through startup tab removing superflous crap.. more on that later. Most presarios ship with enough garbage in there to cut available system resources down to below 60%. This causes system crashes, lock-ups, fucks up AOL, and slows your system down. If you don't know what to keep and what to throw out, you can give us a call... this is one thing EVERYONE at our site knows how(or should know how) to do.

From MS-DOS mode:
scanreg /restore (to a date previous to when the problem occured) fixes most bizarre windows problems

c:\windows\options\cabs\setup /nd /ic will re-install windows from the cab files, overwriting all .dll's and window's related crap

-Quick Restores: As far as I'm concerned, a quick restore is the last resort for a fucked up system. If any tech recomends doing a quick restore, make sure you've tried the above options first.

We'll also occasionally recomend that you download drivers from the compaq web site if you can, or softpaqs for specific fixes for known compaq fuck-ups, but usually it doesn't come to that. If a tech has to go beyond these measures, they usually go ask someone else if they've heard of the problem before or reccomend that you ship(or take it in) for repairs.

Speaking of which, IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR COMPUTER INTO AN AUTHORIZED SERVICE CENTER, AVOID BEST BUY AND RADIO SHACK LIKE THE PLAUGE!!!!! They'll mess things up, or try to charge you, or just generally make your experience more horrible.

-Dispatches have a tendency to get fucked up, just because of the quirky customer data base and inexperienced techs, so be sure to get a DISPATCH ID # if we have to send you anything and call back the next day to make sure it went through.

-PRINTERS: Compaq printers (manufactured by Lexmark) are complete pieces of shit. That's all I really have to say. Buy an HP if you want a quality printer. There was a bad batch of IJ300's that have a tendency to smoke and then burst into flame when plugged in. If your printer breaks, good luck getting a new one anytime soon, 'cause last I heard there's a four week back order on IJ200, IJ900 and IJ300 printers; Sending the old one in for repair will get one to you quicker than exchanging for a new printer;

Other notes: Some of our techs have thick accents and can be hard to understand. If this happens, call back for a fresh tech who can speak english and complain, being sure to give the name of the previous tech. Something will eventually be done.

If you're completely fed up with all of this bullshit, the magic words are "I want my money back" "I want to complain to your manager" "I want my system replaced NOW" or similar ultimatums that give the tech in question permission to upgrade you to CCT: Customer Care Team, the professional asskissers. They'll get you that new system with a bigger hard drive, and will bend over backwards to get the problem fixed once it's out of the technical end and into the customer service part. CCT is open 7am-8pm central time, and it wouldn't hurt to ask to be transferred live instead of having a callback.

OK.. It's four in the morning and I think I've said enough for now, but watch for more from site 76.
It's not that we don't care, we're just under paid, have crappy tools for the job, and are tired of spending half an hour trying to get people to learn how to right-click.

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my lunar death ray
threatens the nations of earth
mock my theories now!
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